Call You Home

We are on a different page now, you and I. 
You, no longer have much to offer me except some occasionally good company.  
I belong somewhere else              because my heart is no longer in this.

 Be shocked, See if i care. 

      see if that will change my mind,                                                                                      because it wont.

I gave somEthing to someone And Don't think I will ever get it baCk.

{not that I am asking for it.}

 I liKE where it is.
I like the hands it is in.
I trust those hanDs,
and those hands are not where you are.
I need to be where I am wanted and treasured more.

This is something I have never felt. 

I am juMping in,
                          letting every inch touch the water,

  hoPing I remember how to swim. 

Waiting for the lifeguard to bring me in from a rushing current.

I have been scared,
but blessed with gratitude for what I have and what I know i have to still accomplish there. 

I am looking at this as the next step. 

I have been called on a mission. 
I have been called home. 

 Because now,  I call you home. 

squeeze me tightly

You don't understand till you feel it.
You don't love it till you lose it.

don't Judge it before you try it.

Respect it when you see it.

Embrace it when you know it. 

let it just be.

Reevaluate lifestyles when it so beautifully takes over yourself.

Distance has no purpose.

 Can't stop it, slow it down, nor halt it.

everything is more beautiful. 

......Though no one will understand....

It is worth it, it is flawless, and no one else matters...so don't let them.

Yeah, I'm happy

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." 
— Joseph Campbell

  Don't let some pre-processed notion of a certain way you pictured your life going disrupt the natural flow of all things beautiful. 

you're different.

Well, not only has my bedroom changed drastically from what it looked like last year or any other environment I have ever lived in but I was noticing today when I was switching out a picture in a frame that was up in my last apartment, I noticed something really kind of funny....

From this...

To this...

I could not think of a more obvious testament to how different I am compared to myself a year ago. Saying that seems so cliché because I think that the word "changed" is too often thrown around but I honestly do feel like I am different. I don't just think it. I feel it, in my body and in my being. I see it in my actions and I know it in my thoughts. Its more real now than ever. Everything is surfaced, my emotions, my feelings, thoughts and fears especially. All clashing and colliding chaotic into one large heap of mess and chaos.  Then there are the really great things too, and I feel great. Adversity is making my life interesting, making it real and keeping my brain intellectual more often than it use to be. Having goals, for the wrong reasons or not, regardless, has led me to this position. Boys that don't matter, all of a sudden because less important and I think with my head more frequently.  I am proud of myself. For growing up and making good use out of my time here, right in this spot. right in this moment and in every moment I am fortunate enough to be here. I know I can live up my important existence and whatever happens, happens. Anxiety, take that.

"having Faith in god, involves having faith in his timing." -Neil A Maxwell

Dungeon

"Now That I See You"

 -Tangled-

All those days watching from the windows

All those years outside looking in

All that time never even knowing   

Just how blind I've been

Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight

Now I'm here, suddenly I see

Standing here, it's all so clear

I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I see the light

And it's like the fog has lifted

And at last I see the light

And it's like the sky is new

And it's warm and real and bright

And the world has somehow shifted

All at once everything looks different

Now that I see you

Eugene:

All those days chasing down a daydream

All those years living in a blur

All that time never truly seeing

Things, the way they were

Now she's here shining in the starlight

Now she's here, suddenly I know

If she's here it's crystal clear

I'm where I'm meant to go

Rapunzel & Eugene:

And at last I see the light

Eugene:

And it's like the fog has lifted

Rapunzel & Eugene:

And at last I see the light

Rapunzel:

And it's like the sky is new

Rapunzel & Eugene:

And it's warm and real and bright

And the world has somehow shifted

All at once, everything is different

Now that I see you, now that I see you.

Hue Know'd(s) Me Bester

Dear Diary,


     I cried into my hands, at a red light, out of sheer exhaustion from  this subject. I want to stop feeling for it, for its constantly on my mind. I need it to relent from interrupting my senses, tingling in my fingertips and when I am tired, burning in my stomach and sitting like a rock in my brain so I am unable to rest when morning time comes.  Mostly I just want you to be small again. Not a day goes by it's not there. Maybe at ten aye-em, or maybe even 11. Please, Just let there be one day. Maybe saturday, or Maybe even sunday. Because I have to. Soon(er), rather than late(r). please?


Sincerely,
Miss Lauren

Suede

     Thank you for teaching me to be a little bit stronger this time, to be a little bit more mature and for being yet another perfect example of what I can see once again I need to change within myself.  I am learning that the hard way but I guess it led me onto your path for a blink in time so I will never regret it. I hope one day we can get past it all and be each other’s friend. To explore what might have been beautiful before feelings got involved and attachments grew stronger. Lets pray for that possibility and also pray for each other’s happiness; happiness being each of our ultimate goals.  Ending on the same page is a noble, brave and respectable thing.  To set aside the differences and move forward in a new light.  Lets try it.