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Dear boys,

This is not easy for me because I love to forgive and forget...But I am at my whits end. I can barely handle to think about how much I genuinely dislike men. I have never said that and meant it but I do right now.  Maybe its because I just watched the movie He's just not that into you, the movie that brings me back down to earth, or maybe it is actually because I have been treated so badly by boys, and worse thing is, I let it happen.   I keep saying that everything is fine. I keep validating. Its my fault.  the end.

Freshman year of college :)

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Treasure the times...

Treasure the times that...

Your mom and dad paid for every meal.
You were rocked to sleep.
You had a bedtime.
You chose to wake up early.
You made forts in the basement.

You were the best mother to your dollies.
Every movie you watched was g or pg.

you took a bath every night.
You wanted homework.
You wanted a retainer.
You wanted to use crutches.
Schoolwork was painting and reading picture books.
A skirt was adorable, never slutty.
You could wear your favorite dress up to the grocery store.
You watched Mary Kate and ashley movies.
You had "late nights" only in weekends.
You would call your friends and say "can you play today". 
You were oblivious
You only saw boys you liked at school.
You ate pizza on fridays.
People talked to you in a high pitched voice.
Your hair did not have to be done to go in public.
Your clothes did not have to match. 
You went weeks before school started to the school building to see who your one teacher was and who was in your class.
Six hours of school didn't seem that long. 

you had your first curfew.

going out on a weeknight was not allowed.

you were not allowed to hang out on sundays.

boys would say "will you go out with me?" which meant you were dating for the next week or so.

you didn't have any real drama.

your parents drove you to everything.

nothing was awkward.

you had braces.

you didn't care about the size of your clothes.

You never looked at the calorie count.

you didn't even know what texting was.

you had your first cell phone.

You had your first day of high school and your world seemed to have gotten suddenly so gigantic.

You had the best time driving around in your car.

You had your first kiss.

You had your first boyfriend.

everything started to get more real.

your curfew got a little later.

your friends started to drive.

You did the cheerleading thing.

You got to go out for lunch during school.

You spent your summer days at the pool.

You realized how much you liked that boy.

You got in trouble. a lot.

You made some actually bad decisions for the first time in your life.

You started watching rated R movies.

You found yourself in bad places.

You started to realize who you were going to turn out to be.

You hated him for not calling you.

You had your first love.

Everyone was jealous of how cute you two were.

You wore his football number to every game.

You learned a lesson from all the boys that hurt you.

You realized who your true friends are.

He held your hand.

He called you beautiful.

You cried over him.

You cried over him again.

He held you.

When everything revolved around boys.

Your friends started to drink a lot of alcohol.

You went to basketball games.

You cheered for the other team because your boyfriend was on it.

You realized that your life was flashing before your eyes....

You moved into your first apartment.

You met your first college friends.

You went through numerous groups of boys that you may never see again.

You realized that drama never goes away.

You got in fights.

You learned the value of money.

You took your family for granted. 

Take away the You.

Key 

Me - I, as in.. Lauren 

U -  Someone else. Some boy.

= - equals 

+ - Plus. Together, one.

- - Minus, not together, without. 

? - Confusing. so confusing. so not convenient, so not appropriate, SO not worth it. 

_______ - Time 

(us) - I, as in.. Lauren + Someone else. Some boy. 

:) - Happiness 

Equation A:                      Me + U = ?

Equation B:                  Me - U = ________ :) 

As much as I do not want to accept this, its true, with time equation B is going to be MUCH more beneficial to my.... :)

xxXo - Lauren 

My own heart beating

         Still wish I never met you... or do I? I can’t decide but I think I take back what I just said because I know I could not live without having met you. Either of you… I know if I let you go, I would regret it because its obvious that you have left your name inside me somewhere, maybe my heart or my head, replacing ones that were once there.  Both of your names… Someone just said one of your names all the way across the room, as soon as the first letter was even blurted out, my head turned, my tired eyes perked up and before I could do anything to stop it, my heart was in my stomach. This is childish. Two? No, but deep down, I know that one is filling the void and helping me convince myself that I really don’t care more about the other when I know its obvious that I really do. Really really do…